Sunday, November 15, 2009
futile attempt
futile.
incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful: Attempting to force-feed the sick horse was futile.
Is it also a feeling? I am hoping for the best in this transition. To have made a firm decision, in a real partnership, to leave a talent behind for a few years to take the chance of possibly strengthening it.... tough choice.
Nothing worth having comes easy.
Like relationships. It would be so much easier to be alone. But I am committed to stick around until one of us can find a way to fuck it up.
So I keep rambling, hoping for some revelation and some pancakes.
Watching the travel channel makes me want things I don't know I need. But I need 'em.
I wonder about my choices since losing my job almost a year ago. I've tried like hell to find another, was complimented on my accomplishments just to watch others get the job instead.
I feel that my decision is sort of a cop out. That if I am a student, I can get away with being broke, uninsured, injured and living with pain and hoping for a future. I made some kick ass money.
And its gone.
I have too many choices and I picked just one. I AM following the dream I've dreamt for 13 years.
So I wonder. Do I have faith in myself and what I've done?
uh huh.
huh.
ok.
Y.
?
I wonder about...
out of practice
It has been 8 months since I last attempted to blog.
To be honest, I think I have lost the ability to communicate. I stutter with words, I lose interest in my own stories. I have heard them all before.
There has to be something out the to inspire me.
But I have nothing but a beginning that I have yet to begin. A story to write eventually.
To be honest, I think I have lost the ability to communicate. I stutter with words, I lose interest in my own stories. I have heard them all before.
There has to be something out the to inspire me.
But I have nothing but a beginning that I have yet to begin. A story to write eventually.
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