Tuesday, March 11, 2008

clips of my 26th year

9:20 AM - clips
Current mood: betrayed

It was one of those cold days in the park. We stood in a puddle of melting snow and smoked with certainty. We had a true dislike for each other despite our history.
His sister really couldnt do anything about it. She remained hopeful we would give it a 37th try. But we were smokers now. And that was devastatingly as disgusting as the way he felt about me.She had hoped we would have been one of those happily ever after stories. The kind like she was living. In a house with a fence and a dog that shits on the deck. She had one of those boyfriends who never cleaned up the shit.
But I just don't believe anyomore.
I use to dream of all the things that little girls dream of.
I never knew what it was I did differently than the rest of em. Why I couldnt' bring us to succeed.
Why I had to be the fool that fell face first.
So I had to distract the others from staring at my broken face.I did it by blowing smoke in everyones ill little faces and taking jabs at the lives they lived.
I had changed. I no longer dreamt the dreams that we have to start hiding in our 25th year. No more hope for homes with fences and white dresses. No chance at the kind of comsuming uncomfortable inconvenient, all a girl can think about before she falls asleep kind of love.
Jealousy is the root of all evil and it was all I held on to. Angry that I had thought I had what they flaunted. I'm so sick of all the rings and shiny things. I'll pay someone to just hold my cold little hand and lie to me again.

26. jaded. cold. alone. bored. hopeless.


Anonymous said...

You are never that.......

Anonymous said...

it's funny how you slip these in.