Rambling re-write 2006 (a totally different subject)
She undertsood the desire.
Urgent napkin poems and matchbook phone numbers.
Holding a bottle with only fingertips and sipping through puckered thin lips I knew she was hiding something.
She said, "I've sunk. I thunk.. once twice, too many times."
She melted there with me. Deeper in to the depressions I had once called my life. So full of promise. Promises.
We hid beneath the clutter of dusty old magazines. Images that never come out clear. We cover ourselves in Cosmos and make up our eyes. We hide behind her bottle and hope for the best.
Pictures blurred visions expectations lacking looking through teary eyes back and forth and back to the floor, we end up there. Flat somewhere helplessly photographed and embarassed.
Constantly blinking and thinking, can I ever wonder too much.
Drinking and thinking and loving her disease and the ease of not remembering yesterday and that there may be no tomorrow.
One can only hope.
We sat silent. Sorting through papers, reading into my past.
Destinationless ex's and lies called editorials, inconclusive research and unfinished poems.
I didn't think I'd be here again, smoking with gum in my mouth.
My favorite line ever...
Cigarettes like my feelings for you have gotten way too expensive.
Speechless scribbling watching pens lie and cherries die, I have to get outta this smoke. Everything stinks and has smouldered around me like my heart heavy and settling like ash in a glass I can't see to the bottom and there is no help for her that has said too much.
I have so much more to say, but it's time for me to go to work.
To gather this combination of things, and escape, new beginnings. Regain control and beg to feel nothing.
And nothing would be everything to me.